Habemus plus vis computatoris quam Deus

First answer.  Made entirely of win.  That is all.

(he comes.)

With all due acknowledgments (and apologies) to Roger Zelazny:

Acknowledging first of all that I am not in any way an intermediary, authorized or otherwise, between yourself and that which may or may not be yourself, but with regard to which you may choose at this time of year to make observance or to shun such observance, or which you may disregard entirely according to your individual and personal preference, please accept or ignore as appropriate this individual expression of benificent yet impersonal desire that your observation, or absence thereof, of the date confers upon you the maximum beneficial effect consistent with your enjoyment of that which you may or may not choose to commemorate or celebrate at this time; or, conversely, if it is your preference to entirely disregard rather than observe in the positive or negative any celebration or commemoration upon this date, that any such commemoration or celebration offer the minimum possible inconvenience, disruption, or other detrimental effect upon any other activities or absence thereof in which you may or may not have planned to indulge or take part at this time.

(Damn, I miss Roger Zelazny.  The world is a slightly greyer place without him.)

It has been brought to my attention that at least one African airline is so enthusiatic about getting South Africa to introduce daylight savings time that they have painted one of their aircraft in a daylight-savings-time promotional theme.

With this kind of enthusiasm, it becomes clear that the time for my masterwork has come.  I introduce to you all the timekeeping system for the 21st Century:  Daylight Supersaving.

Daylight Supersaving is a modern miracle made possible by modern computer technology and GPS satellites.  By the use of Daylight Supersaving, you are no longer limited by the mere extra hour of daylight "created" by Daylight Savings Time.  (Which isn't actually even created; it's a con — the extra hour of daylight in the evening is simply moved there from the morning, but most people don't realize that.)

Indeed, Daylight Supersaving creates eight entire new hours of time every day!  And what's more, only two hours of the Daylight Supersaving day are dark, allowing for a full thirty hours per day of daylight, year round!  And yet, through the miracle of Daylight Supersaving, you can still get in a full night's sleep!

This miraculous advance in time redistribution technology is achieved by the use of computer-controlled variable rate clocks which alter their speed constantly throughout the day according to a computer-calculated formula, constantly corrected for the calendar and your geographic location and updated thousands of times per second.  As an additional savings, the new Supersaving clocks will actually stop during a portion of the middle of the night, so that you can continue to get a full night's sleep while no time actually happens.  (If you work nights, this can allow you to achieve tremendous productivity, as you can get large amounts of work done in no time at all.)

This stunning new advance frees up leisure time you never knew you had!  Now, with Daylight Supersavings, you will be able to get in a full eight hours of work per day — or even ten, and earn overtime — and still be home by lunchtime with the entire rest of your day available for relaxation and entertainment.  (If you have difficulty explaining how this works to your boss who still uses an antiquated fixed-rate clock, just refer him to our post-sales support operators.)

Call now for your Daylight Supersaving clocks!  At only a $499.99 one-time payment per clock, for an entire eight additional hours in your day, it could be the best investment you'll ever make in your life!  Our trained operators are standing by for your call, thirty two hours a day.

In the tradition (cough) of the kibble- ... er, excuse me, I mean kibi-, mibi- and gibi- prefixes foisted upon the computer industry by SI, I have today invented a new unit of data capacity, the chibibyte.  The proper usage of this unit is to denominate the capacity of any physically small storage device possessing "cute" exterior design and exaggerated features...

Via bruce_schneier.

‘A homeopathic attack could bring entire cities to a standstill,’ said BBC Security Correspondent, Frank Gardner, ‘Large numbers of people could easily become convinced that they have been killed and hospitals would be unable to cope with the massive influx of the ‘walking suggestible’.’

. . . then NO, THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER HAS NOT DESTROYED THE WORLD.

(Duh.)

(This message provided as a public service to apocalyptophobics everywhere.  Not for internal application.  For entertainment only.  Do not fold, spindle, mutilate, puncture, burn, or dispose of in trash.  Not yet known to cause cancer in laboratory rats.  Contains no post-consumer recycled content.  Made from 100% carbon-neutral factory-recertified bits.)

So, there I was, in the bathroom.  (No, this has nothing to do with bathroom humor.  It's just where I was.)  And I glanced at the book someone had left open on the vanity, which was a cookbook, open to a page that began with a recipe for "piccolo pizzas", which turn out to be little miniature vol-au-vent-like "pizzas" in cup-like crusts made from Pillsbury bake-and-serve frozen biscuits.

You know you're a geek when the very first thought that goes through your head is, "No, you've mis-spelled pico."

We have both kinds of M&Ms . . .

. . . additive and subtractive.  :)

Diamonds aren’t forever.  Diamonds are for about 10¹⁶⁰ years ... just like any other baryonic matter.