In which Bloodrayne sucks. No, REALLY sucks. Would Howard Tayler lie to you?

[unixronin]

Seen quoted in Howard Tayler's Blógünder Schlock:

…I’ve been reading Schlock for 6 or 7 years now and I’ve often followed your advice about sci-fi authors, web comics, and movies.  But once I didn’t.  You wrote a review for the movie “Bloodrayne.”  Scathing doesn’t even begin to describe it.  I decided to buy it (not rent, but buy), watch it, and try to find something redeeming about it.  I couldn’t.  My friends and I even invented a drinking game we thought would make it help.  We called it “Drink Until Bloodrayne Doesn’t Suck.”  We lost.  It was still horrible.

Some people just won't listen to warnings.  :)

Comments

[luke-jaywalker.livejournal.com]

I actually consider BloodRayne to be Uwe Boll's *best* movie. Unlike most of his other atrocities, he didn't make an awful movie from a good game; he made a movie that quality-wise is arguably an *improvement* over the source material.

BloodRayne's development team seemed to have gone by the reasoning "Who needs good gameplay, intelligent level design or anything else? It would be cheaper just to increase the number of red pixels by an order of magnitude."

What annoyed me even more is that this tactic apparently worked in a certain (early 20s, and presumably teen, males) demographic: "OMG IT'S SO GORY AND BRUTAL!"

[lebo-superman.livejournal.com]

Well, It's a movie based on a low-quality video game. If you load it in the DVD player expecting ANYTHING other than to just waste 95 minutes, you're going to be disappointed. That said, I own a copy because it is a fun way to waste 95 minutes!

[lizzibabe.livejournal.com]

the horror...the horror...

We tried to watch that movie. gave up in disgust after 20 minutes.

[rain-manpnw.livejournal.com]

I am reminded of a "BC" carton:

First panel: Thor rolling along on his wheel, passing as sign that says "Warning Ahead - Bridge Out". Caption: "Blessed are those who can learn from other people's mistakes."

Second panel: Thor disappearing off cliff. Caption: "The rest of us have to be the other people."

[mrakg.livejournal.com]

Several of us caught this horrid film when Syfylis reran it recently. We all agreed that the younger vampire hunter was decorative ("Rayne" - while played by an attractive young lady - was sort of lost on a group of gay men :) ) , and that the king vampire was very good at scenery-chewing. One attendee with a bit of a fixation was delighted by Meat Loaf's appearance. We need to get him some professional help.

We managed to make it watchable by turning down the sound, putting a loop of "Yakkity Sax" (aka "The Benny Hill Theme") on low volume, and ad-libbing snarky (but probably better than those in the script!) lines.

Amazingly enough, the strongest substance any of us had ingested was sweet tea.

Normally, I despise the "MST3K treatment", but this thing deserved it.

[nomissnewo.livejournal.com]

I got a chance recently to interview Howard Tayler for a PBS piece (http://www.pbs.org/mediashift/2009/09/what-newspaper-cartoonists-can-learn-from-web-comics273.html) about how web artists are monetizing their content and whether newspaper cartoonists could emulate them: