An idea whose time has come

[unixronin]

It has been brought to my attention that at least one African airline is so enthusiatic about getting South Africa to introduce daylight savings time that they have painted one of their aircraft in a daylight-savings-time promotional theme.

With this kind of enthusiasm, it becomes clear that the time for my masterwork has come.  I introduce to you all the timekeeping system for the 21st Century:  Daylight Supersaving.

Daylight Supersaving is a modern miracle made possible by modern computer technology and GPS satellites.  By the use of Daylight Supersaving, you are no longer limited by the mere extra hour of daylight "created" by Daylight Savings Time.  (Which isn't actually even created; it's a con — the extra hour of daylight in the evening is simply moved there from the morning, but most people don't realize that.)

Indeed, Daylight Supersaving creates eight entire new hours of time every day!  And what's more, only two hours of the Daylight Supersaving day are dark, allowing for a full thirty hours per day of daylight, year round!  And yet, through the miracle of Daylight Supersaving, you can still get in a full night's sleep!

This miraculous advance in time redistribution technology is achieved by the use of computer-controlled variable rate clocks which alter their speed constantly throughout the day according to a computer-calculated formula, constantly corrected for the calendar and your geographic location and updated thousands of times per second.  As an additional savings, the new Supersaving clocks will actually stop during a portion of the middle of the night, so that you can continue to get a full night's sleep while no time actually happens.  (If you work nights, this can allow you to achieve tremendous productivity, as you can get large amounts of work done in no time at all.)

This stunning new advance frees up leisure time you never knew you had!  Now, with Daylight Supersavings, you will be able to get in a full eight hours of work per day — or even ten, and earn overtime — and still be home by lunchtime with the entire rest of your day available for relaxation and entertainment.  (If you have difficulty explaining how this works to your boss who still uses an antiquated fixed-rate clock, just refer him to our post-sales support operators.)

Call now for your Daylight Supersaving clocks!  At only a $499.99 one-time payment per clock, for an entire eight additional hours in your day, it could be the best investment you'll ever make in your life!  Our trained operators are standing by for your call, thirty two hours a day.

Comments

[ithildae]

Will it work on my sundial? (How about my calendar?)

weirdo link

[milktree.livejournal.com]

The link, "at least one African airline" links to the current page.

is that what you meant?

Re: weirdo link

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

Oops. Accidental empty link. I could have sworn I pasted it in.


Fixed. Thanks for pointing it out.

[johnkzin.livejournal.com]

Adding more places that practice daylight savings time is sad. It's going in the wrong direction. We need to have FEWER countries/states/etc. utilizing daylight savings. We want ZERO countries to utilize it.

[hrrunka]

More places need to take the Western Australian approach. ;)

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

Which was exactly the thought that inspired this particular satire.

[hrrunka]

Heh! Variable-rate clocks would do wonders for international business! :) ;)

[fatcook.livejournal.com]

Daylight savings time, that's the funny thing that everyone else does to screw up their sleep cycle right?
We don't have that here.
Crazy laws but not crazy clocks.

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

That'd be the one. I saw a study a while back that found there was a very visible spike in both auto accidents and auto-pedestrian accidents for the couple of days immediately following each DST change. What's more, the spike was consistently ... morning accidents in spring and evening accidents in fall, or vice versa, I forget which.

[fatcook.livejournal.com]

I'll take the 110 plus degree days over more auto accidents (which we have enough of, thank you very much).
Daylight savings time has always seemed totally weird to me. It really makes no sense.

[ithildae.livejournal.com]

People shop more in the daylight. Ben Franklin thought this one up. In summer, the days are longer, put the daylight after work for more shopping. The main promoter of DST is the Chamber of commerce. Anything to get more sales...