Successes

[unixronin]

I understand the House of Lords announced today the complete success of its program against liquid explosives.  As proof of this success, they declare there has not been a single terrorist attack using liquid explosives.

On this basis, I hereby announce the complete success of my personal anti-terrorist program to prevent terrorists from swimming down to the bottom of Lake Michigan and pulling the plug out.  I shall now expect a nice fat seven-figure grant from Homeland Security.

Comments

[greyman.livejournal.com]

Your cunning plan has also kept Bengal tigers out of Crawford, Texas!

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

Damn. I'm filing that under "unanticipated side-effects."

[bbullock.livejournal.com]

That was some fine work. You did a great job with that whole awareness campaign.
Vaguely related: we have an exterminating company here that used to prominently offer "dinosaur exterminating" on their billboard; below was "we do bugs, too!" in smaller, parenthetical words.
They obviously did great work, because I have never noticed any dinosaurs around.

[http://users.livejournal.com/crossfire_/]

How about a cookie? Would you like a cookie?

[cymrullewes.livejournal.com]

I am planning on making C is for Cookie on Sunday.

BTW, know anyone in the Colorado Springs area looking for a tech writer/copy writer/journalist?

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Bah! You're trying to take the credit for my detailed and cunning plan to protect tourism and shipping interests on the Great Lakes. The way I did this is by monitoring all inland ports for the presence of attack rabbits. All attack rabbits, including and especially those in scuba gear, have been apprehended and are being held at a secret CIA facility in Bavaria.

The proof that it is I who should get the credit, is that not only has this prevented any attempt to pull the plug on Lake Michigan -- it has kept rabbit pellets from damming up Niagara!

Hah. Your silly little attempts are as nothing, compared to my unusually immense and intimidating brain!

[jilara.livejournal.com]

Back in the '60's there was an Elephant Joke that went approximately like this:
Man sees another man tying toilet paper to trees. He asks why he's doing it. The second man says "It keeps the elephants from hiding in the trees."
"That's ridiculous!" scoffs the first man.
"Have you ever SEEN an elephant hiding in one of these trees?" says the first man.
"Of course not!"
"See," he says smugly, "it works."

Somehow, I see the House of Lords folks looking baffled at this joke...