Calling Vogon Prostetnic Jeltz

[unixronin]

....now acrostics are apparently being considered to be poems for school homework purposes.  Give me a break .... an acrostic is a word puzzle.

I suddenly find myself with a new-hatched dread of waking up one day to find that "Cat, dog shit oops I ment cow" [misspelling intentional] is now considered a poem.  The criterion of poetry seems to have dropped to "If someone, somewhere, regardless of whether or not they know anything about poetry or even about grammatically correct English, says it's a poem, then it's a poem."

Come back, Vogons, all is forgiven.  At least the "freddled gruntbuggly" poem had ... something.  (I'm not certain what it was, nor whether I really want to find out, but it had something.)

Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

---

Clarification:  I am taking issue not with the idea that an acrostic can be a poem, but with the idea that merely being an acrostic is sufficient on its own to qualify a collection of words as a poem, which is about as silly as saying that having doors is sufficient to classify an object as a car -- the quality "has doors", as a distinguishing attribute of car-dom, is neither necessary, nor sufficient.  So it is with "is an acrostic" and poetry.

Comments

In that case...

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

have your kid(s) go above and beyond. Suggest they add at least some meter or a regularized syllable count to the "poem". Working with the rigor of having all lines say, 7 syllables can be quite a challenge! Point out some of the examples of real acrostic poetry. Fill in the blanks that the school system is leaving!

Re: In that case...

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

I've spent two days trying to flush even a single original thought out of Goose's head and get her to expend more than the barest minimum possible effort on this homework assignment that she thinks she can get away with. I'm stubborn and I'm persistent, but her studied, determined, dedicated laziness is wearing me down.

Re: In that case...

[jmkelly.livejournal.com]

Awwww.

My heartfelt sympathies are diluted by knowing I'm not alone. Just wait till she's 15 and has learned a million more ways to dodge, delay, and wear you out.

Maybe you've lost this battle; maybe you should retreat now and cut your losses. Inspiration's capricious; a father's stubbornness and persistence have little chance of evoking it.