A story worthy of Sailor Jim Johnston

[unixronin]

The following was posted to a Certain Large Mailing List to which I subscribe.  There's something about it that just screams that it should be a Sailor Jim story.

True story:

I was working from home one day, dialed in to a team teleconference.  The Roomba woke up for its scheduled cleaning pass, and started noisily trundling around the living room.  I was in the middle of giving my status update when I simultaneously noticed (1) the Roomba was leaving weird muddy-looking tire tracks (2) my cat had barfed several times around the room and (3) the Roomba was headed straight for one of the larger juicier piles.

Randomized exploration algorithm my ass — that perfect trajectory was nothing but pure robotic spite.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I leapt across the room.  I got to the Roomba with my hand outstretched just as it enthusiastically ran down the barf.  In slow-motion horror, I watched as the overwhelmed vacuum consumed what could be consumed and its brushes sprayed the rest in every direction.  I snatched the Roomba off the ground, using the removable bin as an ill-considered handgrip, my thumb right on the "detach" button.

The arc of my energetic lift resulted in a dramatic stage separation about hip-level.  The main body of the Roomba shot off at a tangent towards the couch, trailed by an explosion of partially digested cat food and barf-coated dust bunnies.  It went everywhere.  Everywhere.

I stared at the mess in shock, shaken back to reality by a muffled "Beep-boop" coming from the eviscerated machine on the couch.  The Roomba sounded vaguely accusatory as it declared mission failure.

Nothing lets you know that you've arrived in the future (and the future is very weird) like signing off early from a global teleconference with the phrase "I need to go clean up after the robot."

— Roger Gonzalez

[Edited slightly for spelling]

Comments

[kayre]

Goodness, that reminds me of the day of my father's funeral, which is one of my family's Great Stories. :)

[adriang.livejournal.com]

Thanks. 8-)

Adrian

[motomuffin.livejournal.com]

It's "Gonzalez" -- two Zs.

;-)

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

My typo-fu is strong!


(Fixed. Thanks.)

[echristo.livejournal.com]

hahahahaaha.