Um, excuse me. But. This article was supposed to be published on April 1, right....?
Update:
phanatic, a poster on the
guns thread, calculated the power requirements of this weapon from the specs claimed by the
crank inventor and assuming perfect 100% efficiency. Using those assumptions, he came up with a sustained power consumption of 100MW -- approximately 134,000 horsepower.
Noiseless? Heatless? Portable?  .... Yeah, RIGHT.