I'm amused to notice that Cartoon Network is still running its so-called "Iron Giant marathon". This "marathon" at first boggled me because, well, isn't there, like, only one Iron Giant movie? And no related series? How the heck do you make a "marathon" out of one movie? This, however, is no problem for the razorlike minds at Cartoon Network, who solved the problem by the simple expedient of putting the one existing movie on endless loop.
Uh, guys, that's not a "marathon". That's called the broadcast engineer on thanksgiving shift said "Fuck this, I'm gonna go get drunk and stuff myself on turkey and screw my girlfriend," and had the presence of mind to hit the infinite-repeat button on the console before he turned the lights off and went home.
However, all is not lost. From this I derived brilliant inspiration! You can fake up ANY marathon with just one step repeated over and over, not just a cartoon marathon! Whereupon I stood and jogged in place1 for fifteen seconds, and can now declare myself to have recorded the fastest time in history for the Boston marathon. Oh yeah, and the New York City Marathon, or whichever one it is that goes over the Brooklyn Bridge, and might as well throw in the San Francisco Bay-to-Breakers Run, while I'm at it. Nothing like economy of scale. If you're gonna fib, you may as well fib on the grand scale. (A lesson probably beyond the grasp of Cartoon Network.)
[1] Well, OK, technically I can't jog in place with my cast on. But I promise to stand and jog in place for fifteen seconds as soon as I can after I get the cast off. How's that for soul-baring honesty?
