There's stupid, and then there's spammers

Periodically, I find myself amused reading through the logs of my spamwall.  Tonight, my amusement is triggered by the addresses spammers try to send to.  I see an awful lot of these....

ga31483@[domain]

ga10044@[domain]

ga30490@[domain]

ga18946@[domain]

ga2313@[domain]

gb5309@[domain]

gc6356@[domain]

ge18946@[domain]

Does anyone, like, begin to see a pattern here?

How stupid do you have to be to buy a mailing list stuffed full of crap like that?  Surely even spammers aren't dumb enough to buy a Guaranteed Verified! list of email addresses without glancing at a sample?

HEY, YOU!  Yeah, you with the server and the beanie hat and the more-than-slightly bovine expression.  I'm talking to YOU.  (Stop drooling, there's a good boy.  And wipe your chin.)  Didn't it seem the teeniest bit ODD to you when you loaded that big database of email addresses into your off-the-shelf spamming software that all the usernames for every domain on the CD were sequentially numbered?

Or maybe you think you're clever.  You're not spending money on any lists of names, oh no.  You're generating them yourself, and trying them all to make CERTAIN you find the real ones!  Wow, there's just no getting anything past you, is there?

Let's see, here.  First of all, let's assume you make it past my RBLs and domain checks.  To start with, my server puts a hard cap of 40 addressees per connection on you.  Then, in the event you generate an error, it's going to make your connection sleep for five seconds before it lets you try another address.  And after ten soft or five hard errors, it'll cut off your connection and make you start over.  Let's pretend for the moment there's no time overhead at all to re-establishing your connection, and just pretend it's a straight one attempt allowed every five seconds.  Let's see, ten to the fifth times twenty-six squared times five seconds .... that's 338 million seconds, 3,912 days, 10.7 years for one pass through your entire generated address list for my domain.  It doesn't matter how fast your server is.  I'm imposing the timing, not you.  And how many live, active accounts is your ten and a half years of trying going to get you?

Not ONE.  Zip, zilch, zero, nil, nada.  Jack Squat.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  [points and jeers]

I'm French a geek!  Why do you think I have this outrrrrrageous accent, you silly king?  You don't frighten us, English Spammish pig-dogs!  Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person.  I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur Spammer-king, you and all your silly English Spammish knnnniggits.  I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper.  I fart in your general direction!  Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!  Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

How you English Spammish say:  I, one more time, Mac, unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window-dresser!  So, you think you could out-clever us French geek folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behaviour?  I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second-handed electric donkey-bottom biters!  I burst my pimples at you, and call your door connection-opening request a silly thing!  You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!  Illegitimate-faced bugger-folk!  And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, daffy English Spammish knnnniggits......

Aaaah, I love the sound of John Cleese in the morning.  It sounds like ... derision.